David's Team Lead Responsibilities

Because who needs a 2-week notice when you can get fired on a Friday?

• Micromanage the team's fantasy football picks, ensuring our office pool is never won by accounting.
• Conduct regular meetings that are always 15 minutes late, because punctuality is overrated.
• Be the sole decision-maker on all matters, including what to eat for lunch on Tuesdays.
• Create an exhaustive list of "non-essential" tasks that need to be completed before any actual work can begin.
• Oversee the coffee machine, ensuring it's always stocked and never jammed.
• Decide who gets to sit at the coveted window cube.
• Assign projects that are always due yesterday, because procrastination is a skill.