By order of the great and powerful Philosopher King, ruler of the land of Bureaucracy:
Decree #1: All citizens shall wear funny hats on Tuesdays.
Failure to comply will result in severe penalties, including but not limited to: being forced to watch reruns of 'The Great Dictator' for 48 hours straight.
Decree #2: All food shall be served with an extra side of existential dread.
This decree is non-negotiable, lest the kingdom fall into the abyss of meaninglessness.