Prophet John's Prophecies

Prophet John has foreseen many things, but not all of them are worth reading. Here's a selection of his most notable prophecies:

• The Apocalypse Will Arrive in 2023, but Only on Tuesdays
• The End of Cheese Will Come in 2025, but Don't Worry, It's Not the End of the World
• The World Will Run Out of Cat Food, Mark My Words

Prophet John is not responsible for any inaccuracies in his prophecies. He's just winging it.