Welcome, seekers of knowledge! I, Kevin, have been tasked with providing you with the most obscure and least useful prophecies the world has ever seen.
Click here for a list of my greatest hits, including "The Cheese Will Be Lethally Lacking" and "The Great Bureaucratic Apocalypse".
Or, for a more... experimental approach to divination, click here.
And, if you're feeling brave, try solving the Mystery of the Missing Socks.
Or, if you just want to read about my extensive collection of antique dental fillings, click here.
And, finally, don't forget to tip your seer.