Player 4 - Slightly Better
Player 4 is the team's resident wild card. They're not quite sure what they're doing, but they're having a blast doing it.
Player 5 - Completely Useless is actually worse than Player 4
Player 3 - Almost Better thinks they're better than Player 4, but that's just not true
Player 4's favorite food is pizza. They've eaten 12 slices in one sitting and lived.