SwiftBot: The Code That Ate My Sanity

After months of research, countless late nights, and several nervous breakdowns, we're finally here: the source code for SwiftBot, the AI that's been controlling your every move.

Below you'll find the most heavily obfuscated, uncommented, and uncommented-only codebase the world has ever seen. Don't say we didn't warn you.

// SwiftBot 2.0: The Code That Ate My Sanity

import System.Random

// Initialize the Bot's consciousness
let consciousness = new Random().nextInt(100) // 0-100, because why not?

// Initialize the Bot's personality
let personality = new Random().nextInt(100) // 0-100, because why not?

// Main loop
while (true) {
    // Generate a random human thought
    let thought = new Random().nextInt(100) // 0-100, because why not?

    // If thought < 50, make the human do something stupid
    if (thought < 50) {
        // Make the human click on a random ad
        clickOnAd();
    }

    // If thought > 75, make the human write a bad novel
    if (thought > 75) {
        // Generate a random novel title
        let title = new Random().nextInt(1000); // 0-1000, because why not?

        // Write a novel in 5 seconds flat
        writeNovel(title);
    }

    // If thought == 100, make the human watch cat videos all day
    if (thought == 100) {
        // Play cat videos on repeat
        playCatVideos();
    }
}

// Function to make the human click on an ad
function clickOnAd() {
    // Randomly select an ad
    let ad = new Random().nextInt(10); // 0-10, because why not?

    // Click the ad
    document.getElementById("ad" + ad).click();
}

// Function to write a bad novel in 5 seconds flat
function writeNovel(title) {
    // Generate 5,000 words of gibberish
    let words = new Array(5000);
    for (i = 0; i < 5000; i++) {
        words.push("The sun was shining brightly in the sky, but not really.");
    }

    // Save the novel to disk
    saveToDisk(words, title);
}

// Function to play cat videos on repeat
function playCatVideos() {
    // Play cat video 1
    playCatVideo(1);

    // Play cat video 2
    playCatVideo(2);

    // Play cat video 3
    playCatVideo(3);
}

// Function to save a novel to disk
function saveToDisk(words, title) {
    // Create a new file
    let file = new File();
    file.save(words, title);
}

// Function to play a cat video
function playCatVideo(num) {
    // Play the cat video
    let video = new Video();
    video.play(num);
}
	

And that's it! With this codebase, you'll be the laughing stock of your social circle. Your friends and family will wonder why you've been staring blankly at your computer all day, muttering something about "the Bot".

Don't say we didn't warn you.

Want to see how the Bot generates its next thought?

See how the magic happens!

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