Step 3: Coma Precautions - The Art of Not Waking Up
Warning: Do not attempt to follow these steps if you are awake. Seriously, don't.
Step 3: Coma Precautions - The Art of Not Waking Up is a delicate dance of dozing and dozing-off, where one misstep can lead to sudden and unrelenting wakefulness. To avoid this fate, follow these carefully crafted steps:
- Develop a strong affinity for your favorite pillow, and never let it out of your sight.
- Maintain a strict sleep schedule, where you wake up only for sustenance and immediately return to your slumberous state.
- Invest in a high-quality eye mask to block out any unwanted light sources, including but not limited to: windows, lamps, and your roommate's disco party.
- Avoid any form of physical activity, as this will only lead to increased oxygenation and subsequent wakefulness.
- Surround yourself with a team of highly trained professionals who will administer your sleep schedule, including your sleep doctor, your sleep coach, and your sleep butler.