Pre-ExistingConditions

Unwise Investments

We specialize in covering up the messes of your great-great-grandparents.

You see, they were a bit... reckless.

But don't worry, our team of expert doctors will retroactively diagnose and treat:

Our team of temporal specialists will retroactively alter the fabric of time, just for you.

Don't like the way things turned out? No worries! We'll fix it for you, for a small fee.

But don't try it yourself, you'll only end up like this:

(Please don't try it yourself. Seriously, don't.)

We've got you covered for:

Pre-Med for that one time you tried to eat wasps
Liability for when you inevitably get sued for that one bad joke
Retroactive coverage for that one time you invested in a pyramid scheme
Pre-existing conditions for when you were born with an unfortunate facial feature

We've got more options for you, because you're clearly not done yet.

We'll cover:

Cosmic events, like that one asteroid that fell on your house
Natural disasters, like that one flood that ruined your basement
Acts of God, like that one time your in-laws visited
Pre-Existing Conditions 2.0, for when your ancestors did the same thing all over again