Future Toaster Beta Testers Wanted - Toaster Whisperer Requirements
Are you a thrill-seeker who lives for the rush of time-traveling breakfast food?
Then you're in luck! We're looking for brave souls to test the most revolutionary appliance the world has ever seen: the Time-Traveling Toaster. As a Toaster Whisperer, you'll embark on a journey through the ages, witnessing the dawn of civilization, the rise and fall of empires, and the most epic breakfast feasts in history.
Requirements:
- Must be able to withstand the intense, existential dread of witnessing the birth of the first sunrise
- Ability to handle the crushing responsibility of shaping the course of human history, one slice at a time
- Experience with ancient languages (e.g., Sumerian, Egyptian hieroglyphics, etc.)
- Willingness to sign a waiver releasing us from any liability for your inevitable descent into madness
Perks:
- A complimentary toaster-themed t-shirt
- A free toaster-shaped stress ball to help you cope with the weight of the timestream
- A 10% discount on all future toaster purchases (including the toaster you'll eventually return to us)
Ready to apply? Visit our FAQ or How to Be a Toaster Whisperer for more information.
| What to expect: | Why it's worth it: |
|---|---|
| Time travel, duh! | Toasters, also duh! |
| Unpredictable schedules, irregular meal times, and an existential crisis or two | Free toaster-themed therapy sessions to help you process the trauma |