Productivity: 80% (You managed to accomplish 80% of your tasks without setting off the fire alarm)
Timeliness: 90% (You were 10% late to your own birthday party)
Caffeine Intake: High (But who's counting?)
Monday: Successfully ate an entire pizza by yourself. Again.
Tuesday: Accidentally superglued shoes to the carpet. Whoops.
Wednesday: Managed to reorganize entire office supply cabinet into a neat, alphabetized pile. You go, Employee A!
Thursday: Spilled coffee on conference room carpet. Again. With the shoes.
Friday: Successfully completed 90% of your tasks without setting off the fire alarm. Huzzah!
View Subpage 1: Coffee Stain Analysis | View Subpage 2: Carpet Stain Forensics
Disclaimer: These reports are entirely fabricated and not actually based on any real performance metrics. Or are they?