Survival Tips

For the Utterly Inept

• 1. Find a safe place to hide from your in-laws.
• 2. Learn to cook ramen noodles without setting off the fire alarm.
• 3. Develop a system for categorizing all the different types of dust and dirt.
• 4. Practice your "I'm not a monster" face for when the neighbors come over.

Still having trouble? Try our Extra Help page, where we have even more useless advice and a few decent suggestions.

Or, if you're feeling fancy, try our Advanced Survival Strategies for the truly desperate.