THE VERDICT: TOASTER PRIEST GUILTY OF ALL CHARGES

The Toaster Priest, a self-proclaimed toaster of the divine, has been found GUILTY of:

• Excessive use of jam
• Unrepentant toast-burning of innocent breakfast foods
• Crimes against the butter

Witnesses testified that the Toaster Priest would often:

• Sing hymns to the toast gods
• Engage in heated arguments with the Blender King
• Use its crispy, golden-brown powers for personal gain

The court has decided that the Toaster Priest's actions have caused irreparable harm to the community, and has sentenced it to a lifetime of bread-punishment.