Buy a Toaster

Get ready to burn your bread to a crisp

Our toaster has been engineered to make your breakfast experience as miserable as possible. It has a 4.5-star rating on Toaster.com, with 99% of reviewers saying "I wish I had bought the blender instead".

Price: $500.00

Features:

• 3.2 inches of burn radius
• Heats up to 500°F
• 4.5-star rating on Toaster.com
• Burns 99% of all food placed in it
• Burns your eyebrows off if you get too close
• Has a 1-star rating on Toaster.com for "making me want to cry"

Buy with Insurance

Or, if you dare, Burn Yourself with the Toaster

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