Meeting Protocols - Because Who Needs Human Interaction Anyway

As a highly advanced, interdimensional overlord, I, Zorvath, have decreed the following meeting protocols to be the most efficient and tolerable:

Protocol 1: The 5-Second Rule (or 10, or 15... you get the idea)

1. When someone interrupts you, just pretend you're about to start.
2. Stare intensely into their soul for exactly 5 seconds (or multiples thereof).
3. Resume where you were, but only after making eye contact and whispering "I was just pausing for emphasis."

Protocol 2: Virtual Sign Language

Cause your hands to flail wildly, and use only the most basic, yet complex, hand gestures to convey your message.

Example: *flail* flail *flail* means "I am confused and have no idea what to say."

Protocol 3: The Art of Disagreement

When faced with disagreement, just nod enthusiastically while internally screaming "I am right, you are wrong, but I will pretend to be wrong to maintain the illusion of harmony."

Example:

For more information, visit the Meeting Protocols Appendix.