TRAFFIC CANDLE EMERGENCY REMEDIES

Stuck in the middle of a traffic jam? No problem! Just pull out your trusty Traffic Candle 101 guide, complete with:

• Unconventional methods for calming your frazzled nerves
• Quick fixes for those pesky traffic tickets
• Proven techniques for convincing your passengers you're not, in fact, a hostage
• And more!

But wait, there's more! Visit our Traffic Candle 2.0 for advanced features like:

• Real-time traffic forecasting (sort of)
• Tire-rotating drone delivery system
• And a built-in coffee machine that's not actually a coffee machine at all, but will still somehow make you feel slightly better

Support our development team in their time of need, by not actually paying them but instead, just sending a strongly-worded letter to your local representative.