Time Traveling for Beginners: Because Adulting is Hard

Welcome to Time Traveling for Beginners, where we're here to help you navigate the complexities of time-space continuum with the finesse of a drunken sailor on a pirate ship.

Pre-Flight Briefing

Before embarking on this perilous journey, please read and understand the following:

• Time paradoxes are real, and you'll probably create some.
• Parallel universes are not as parallel as they seem.
• Grandma's recipe for time-traveling soup is not, in fact, a recipe for time-traveling soup.

Now that that's out of the way, let's get this time-traveling party started!

Time-Traveling Techniques

Causality Looping

This is like the classic 'rinse and repeat' of time travel.

Example: If it's 5 AM, you can go to bed and wake up in 5 AM, and then go back to bed and wake up in 5 AM... You get the idea.

Temporal Displacement

This involves moving through time, but also changing your clothes, hairstyle, and possibly your moral compass.

Example: Go back in time, get a new haircut, and then go back forward in time to show off your new 'do.

Time-Traveling Tools and Resources

We're proud to offer a selection of time-traveling gadgets and gizmos, including:

• A Time-Traveling Toaster
• A Temporal Thermometer
• A Chrono-Cocktail Shaker

Time-Traveling Trivia

Did You Know?

Did you know that the first time-traveling device was actually just a toaster with a really good sales pitch?