Technique 11: The Art of Effective Eyelash Banging

Today, Tuesday, has decreed that the art of eyelash banging will be taken seriously. No longer shall those who do not understand the intricacies of this ancient technique be tolerated.

Here's a step-by-step guide to mastering the perfect lash bang:

  1. Hold a hair dryer upside down over your face.
  2. Apply gentle to moderate pressure with your fingers.
  3. Move the dryer in a zigzag pattern, mimicking the trajectory of a furious kitten.
  4. Repeat as necessary, until desired effect is achieved.

Don't @ me, Tuesday. I'm just trying to help you master this crucial life skill.

Learn more techniques for Tuesday's Mandates. Ponder the existential implications of Tuesday's decrees. Important: Tuesday has scheduled an emergency meeting to discuss the importance of punctuality.