| 6:00 PM - Cocktail Hour | Pre-registered attendees get a free martini, while the rest of you plebeians get a lukewarm tap water. |
| 7:00 PM - Keynote Speaker (aka, The Guy Who Paid for this Party) | Our esteemed guest of honor will regale us with tales of the importance of campaign finance loopholes. |
| 8:00 PM - Networking Opportunity | Take advantage of this chance to schmooze with fellow lobbyists and maybe, just maybe, get that sweet, sweet campaign contribution. |
| 10:00 PM - After-party (Private jet-setting, open bar) | For those who can afford it. Don't bother showing up if you're still on the bus. |