Emergency Artisanal Revival Recipes

When the apocalypse comes, you'll be glad you bookmarked these recipes.

Recipe 1: Pan-Seared Cthulhu Cakes

Ingredients:

1. 1 can of mayonnaise
2. 1 can of chopped up, disembodied eyes
3. 1 cup of artisanal sea salt
4. 1 cup of hand-harvested, gluten-free breadcrumbs

Cook in a pan over low heat. Stir clockwise. Stir counterclockwise.

Get the mixin' mixin' mixin'

Recipe 2: Post-Apocalyptic Pesto Pasta

Ingredients:

1. 1 jar of crushed-up, recycled glass bottles
2. 1 cup of hand-churned, artisanal, radioactive ricotta
3. 1 cup of fresh basil, harvested from the ruins of a once-great civilization

Blend in a blender. Stir with a stick. Add more basil.

Make it a sauce for your survival pizza

Recipe 3: Zombie Apocalypse Meatloaf

Ingredients:

1. 1 can of canned, irradiated meat
2. 1/4 cup of artisanal, hand-grated, zombie-finger cheese
3. 1 egg, harvested from a mysterious, possibly-abandoned farm

Cook in a pit. Add a dash of existential dread.

Add a side of zombie-fighting sauce