Over-Steaming It

Welcome to the art of over-steaming your pasta. A technique so delicate, so precise, so utterly disastrous for your stomach.

Step 1: Boil the water until it's almost, but not quite, at a rolling boil. You want it to be that sweet spot where the pasta is still slightly firm, but your patience is wearing thin.

Step 2: Add a generous helping of olive oil to the pot, then proceed to over-saturate the noodles until they're swimming in a pool of golden goodness. Don't be shy, just keep adding oil until the pasta is slick with it.

Step 3: Sprinkle a pinch of regret over the top of the over-steamed mess. This is where things start to get a little hairy. You might need to add some water to dilute the oil, but be warned: this is just the beginning of the end.

And that's it! Congratulations, you've successfully over-steamed your pasta. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go eat a whole pizza by myself.

Thowling in the Towels is a more advanced technique, but we'll get to that later.

Or, if you're feeling really adventurous, you could try Setting the Kitchen on Fire, but let's be real, that's just reckless.