Welcome to the Utopia Cafe, where our coffee is brewed with the finest, locally-sourced, totally-organic, completely-not-artisanal beans and served on a bed of crushed, artisanal, hand-kneaded cookies.
Menu:
- The "I'm-a-Professional-Communist" Coffee: a rich, bold blend of beans from the finest, state-owned, worker's paradise farms, served with a side of free, government-provided healthcare.
- The "I'm-a-Renaissance-Man" Latte: a delicate balance of espresso, steamed milk, and a dash of existential dread, served with a side of artisanal, small-batch, totally-not-artisanal biscotti.
- The "I'm-a-Totally-Not-a-Socialist" Tea: a soothing blend of herbs from the most efficient, capitalist farms, served with a side of carefully-calculated, market-driven, totally-not-artisanal honey.
Enjoy your meal!
Our story: how we managed to make this menu without actually caring about the workers who made it happen.