In this, the third and most majestic article of our sacred Constitution, we, the people of Utopia, declare that all beings have the inherent right to:
- Unlimited access to free hugs and cuddles from trained professional cuddle therapists
- To wear pants made of pure, unadulterated cotton, without restriction or penalty
- To engage in spontaneous, unstructured, and completely-not-a-bad-idea dance parties at any time, with anyone, for any reason, or no reason at all
These rights shall not be infringed upon, lest we face the full fury of the Utopian Inquisition, whereupon we shall be forced to watch an endless loop of elevator music while being forced to eat an entire pizza by themselves.
Read on to Article 4: The Right to Unrestricted Access to Socks and Socks Only!