Where the only thing we're not paying for is your dignity.
Our schools are run by highly trained and highly caffeinated instructors who will teach you how to do absolutely anything except math.
We have courses in Extreme Pizzology, Advanced Snack Food Preparation, and the Art of Procrastination.
Learn more about our tuition-free college programs
Our hospitals are staffed by the best doctors in the world, who are all secretly trained as ninja warriors.
We have state-of-the-art facilities for treating everything from minor colds to existential dread.
Find out how to get your free medication
We also have a free food truck that will deliver you a fresh supply of artisanal, locally-sourced, gluten-free, vegan, non-GMO, free-range eggs every hour on the hour!