Welcome, would-be Utopia Savior!

Apply now to join the esteemed UTopian Nightmare Solvers Certification Program!

As a certified Utopian Nightmare Solver, you'll be equipped with the skills to tackle:

• Overcoming existential dread through advanced meditation techniques
• Coping with bureaucracy using our patented "Bureaucratic Jujitsu"
• Solving the unsolvable through our unique blend of logic and despair

Don't miss this opportunity to turn your life of quiet desperation into a life of quiet desperation, but with better benefits!

Why Join | Program Curriculum

Application Tips

Don't be a hero, be a UTopian Nightmare Solver!

• Be prepared for 3+ months of grueling mental and emotional torture
• Bring your favorite snack, we're not paying for your therapy
• Don't worry, we'll try to break your spirit, but we promise not to break your bank (unless you fail, and then you'll be paying)

Still want to join the ranks of the Elite Utopia Nightmarers?

Start Application