Day 345: Our Planetary Evacuation Plan
We've got 3.4 minutes to escape the gravitational pull of our dying planet. Our team of expert pilots, engineers, and accountants have concocted the most elaborate, high-stakes, high-reward escape plan humanity has ever seen. We're talking:
- Rotation 1: The Tumbleweed Tumble
- Rotation 2: The Gravity Slalom
- Rotation 3: The Orbital Orb
But wait, there's more! We've also got:
- Rotation 4: The Black Hole Bounce
- Rotation 5: The Wormhole Warp
Stay tuned for more updates as we... well, as we don't actually have time to stay tuned. We're all going to DIE.