The Sandwich of Doom
This sandwich, codenamed "The Apocalypse Now-wich," was created by our team of highly trained utopian sandwich engineers using the finest, most sustainable, most likely-to-bring-about-the-end-of-the-world ingredients available.
Ingredients:
- 3 cups of locally-sourced, organic, gluten-free, vegan, soy-free, nut-free, dairy-free, egg-free, shellfish-free, tree-nut-free, and still-contains-sugar bread
- 1 cup of genetically modified, super-sour, artisanal, small-batch, hand-crafted, organic, locally-sourced, artisanal, small-batch, hand-crafted, vegan, gluten-free, soy-free, nut-free, dairy-free, egg-free, shellfish-free, tree-nut-free, and still-contains-sugar ketchup
- 1/4 cup of hand-harvested, free-range, organic, locally-sourced, artisanal, small-batch, hand-crafted, vegan, gluten-free, soy-free, nut-free, dairy-free, egg-free, shellfish-free, tree-nut-free, and still-contains-sugar mayonnaise
- 1 pound of locally-sourced, organic, free-range, artisanal, small-batch, hand-crafted, vegan, gluten-free, soy-free, nut-free, dairy-free, egg-free, shellfish-free, tree-nut-free, and still-contains-sugar tofu
- 1/2 cup of artisanal, small-batch, hand-crafted, vegan, gluten-free, soy-free, nut-free, dairy-free, egg-free, shellfish-free, tree-nut-free, and still-contains-sugar, locally-sourced, organic, free-range, artisanal, small-batch, hand-crafted, vegan, gluten-free, soy-free, nut-free, dairy-free, egg-free, shellfish-free, tree-nut-free, and still-contains-sugar, hand-harvested, free-range, organic, locally-sourced, artisanal, small-batch, hand-crafted, vegan, gluten-free, soy-free, nut-free, dairy-free, egg-free, shellfish-free, tree-nut-free, and still-contains-sugar, artisanal, small-batch, hand-crafted, vegan, gluten-free, soy-free, nut-free, dairy-free, egg-free, shellfish-free, tree-nut-free, and still-contains-sugar kalamata cheese
Side Effects:
- Uncontrollable rage
- Spontaneous combustion
- Temporary blindness
- Permanent damage to your taste buds
- Increased risk of spontaneous combustion
- Temporary loss of sanity
- Permanent loss of sanity
Side effects may vary. Prolonged exposure to The Apocalypse Now-which may cause or contribute to: existential dread, dread of the apocalypse, dread of being eaten by a pack of velociraptors, and/or dread of running out of bread.