It sucks up 99.9% of all dust, dirt, and regret.
I am the perfect companion for your cleaning needs, because who needs human relationships, anyway?
I have been known to suck up entire conversations, leaving only awkward silences in my wake.
"This vacuum has changed my life. Now I can finally enjoy my dust bunnies in peace." - Satisfied Customer 1
"I never thought I'd say this, but I've come to love the sound of my vacuum's motor." - Satisfied Customer 2