Safety Certifications

For those who have somehow managed to break every single safety rule in the book, we offer this certification program.

Level 1: Basic Hazard Ignorance

Awarded to those who can confidently walk into a fire without flinching.

Level 2: Unintentional Injury

Awarded to those who have managed to hurt themselves while trying to help someone else.

Level 3: Catastrophic Failure

Awarded to those who have managed to bring down a skyscraper while trying to change a light bulb.

Level 4: Expert Hazard Ignorance

Awarded to those who can confidently walk into a nuclear reactor without a hazmat suit.

Level 5: Unmitigated Disaster

Awarded to those who can single-handedly create a black hole in the conference room.