Fortnite Fortune Teller

Get your daily dose of meaningless predictions and questionable life advice from the most accurate, most entertaining, and completely fabricated fortune teller in the land_goals_

For just $9.99, our expert (read: not actually an expert) psychics will gaze into the void of cyberspace and provide you with:

• Who will you marry next week? Maybe someone with better Wi-Fi.
• Will you get a promotion at work? Only if you wear a suit to the meeting.
• Will you ever find true love? Ha! Like that's going to happen in a world where Fortnite is still popular.

But wait, there's more! For an additional fee, our special "Prophet's Package" will give you:

• A complimentary copy of our prophets' favorite snack, the "Tilted Towers" energy bar.
• A 10% discount on any future reading with our team of expert (still not actually experts) psychics.
• A personalized "I survived a Fortnite reading" sticker to show off your questionable life choices.

Our Team of Experts

Meet the team behindchartInstance our completely-not-made-up psychic predictions:

• Our Founder, Bob "The Bobinator" Johnson: A self-proclaimed expert in the field of nothing.
• Our Moderators, Karen "The Karma Queen" and Steve "The Shadow King": Experts in the art of ignoring you.