Withdrawal Clinic Patient Agreement
Section 1: The Fine Print
By signing below, you, the patient, acknowledge that you are aware of the risks associated with visiting our clinic. These risks include, but are not limited to:
- Excessive use of sarcasm from our staff
- Involuntary exposure to our clinic's patented "Eye-Of-The-Sea-Star-Gazing" relaxation technique
- Mandatory attendance at our daily "Support Group For When-You-Just-Want-to-Stay-In-Your-Pyjamas" sessions
- Uncontrollable urges to binge-watch 80s reruns of 'I Love Lucy' during downtime
- Unsolicited advice from our staff on the best way to reorganize your sock drawer
Section 2: The Fun Part
By signing below, you'll be eligible for:
- Free access to our in-house 'Couch of Shame' for when you just can't get off it
- A complimentary copy of our 'The Art of Doing Absolutely Nothing' instructional DVD
- Discounted rates on our 'Socks-For-Sleeping-In-Only' merchandise line
Section 3: The Legal Mumbo-Jumbo
By signing below, you, the patient, release and hold harmless:
- The Withdrawal Clinic and its staff from any and all damages, including but not limited to, lost sleep, lost productivity, or lost dignity