A: Woolen is the art of knitting socks with an existential crisis.
Q: How do I become a certified Woolen expert?
A: You must knit 1000 socks while listening to elevator music.
Q: What is the best type of yarn for Woolen?
A: The best type of yarn for Woolen is clearly the kind that makes you cry, because that's just the kind of emotional depth we're looking for.
Q: I'm stuck on a Woolen project! What should I do?
A: Call in the Woolen Hotline: 1-800-WOOLEN-HELP. They'll send someone to knit it for you, but not before they make you watch an hour of cat videos.