Standard Operating Protocol for Yawn-Inducing Coffee Shops

Section 1: Mandatory Napping Procedures

When a customer orders a coffee, they are expected to take a 15-minute power nap in our cozy reading nook. Failure to comply will result in a penalty of one free cookie.

Section 2: Coffee Preparation Protocols

Coffee will be prepared using only the finest pre-ground, pre-packaged, pre-brewed beans. No fancy-schmancy pour-over nonsense here.

Section 3: Customer Interactions

Customers are not allowed to make eye contact with our baristas. If you try, we will call HR.

For more information on our Employee Coddling Policy, click here.