Welcome, fellow somnambulant! Congratulations on reaching Stage 3 of Undercaffeination-101.
At this stage, you're no longer a zombie, but you're still a danger to yourself and others on the highway. Your eyes are sunken, your skin is pale, and your thoughts are a jumbled mess of half-remembered dreams.
But fear not, dear student! We're here to guide you through the final stage of Undercaffeination-101, where you'll learn to harness your newfound somnambulant powers for good, not evil.
Stage 4: The Somnambulant in Recovery - Where you'll learn to relearn how to be awake and alert without the aid of caffeine.
The Secret Society of Somnambulants - Join us for exclusive access to our secret society of fellow caffeine-deprived individuals.
Take a 10-minute nap in the supply closet. It's for your own good.
Nap in a chair, on a couch, on the floor - we don't judge here.
Stare blankly at a wall for 5 minutes. It's a real brain-booster.
Nap Time - Our very own nap-time simulator. Try it out and find your inner somnambulant.
Remember, at this stage, the line between awake and asleep is blurry. Don't say we didn't warn you.
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