Why Can't I Just Have a Burger?

It's a question that has puzzled philosophers and burger enthusiasts alike for centuries. Why must I, a being capable of experiencing the most transcendent joys of the human condition, be denied a simple burger?

The answer, much like the perfect burger, is complex. But here's a simplified version:

1. The burger is not just a food item, but a symbol of freedom and choice. Freedom to choose toppings, freedom to choose sides, freedom to choose when to eat it in the car.
2. The burger represents the human condition: messy, imperfect, and always in need of improvement.
3. The burger is the ultimate expression of hedonism: a perfect union of taste, smell, and texture.

But don't just take our word for it! Visit our Theory of Burgers page for a more in-depth exploration of the burger's ontological implications.