We're still working on that.
It's a lifelong journey, friend. First, you must find your inner cat. Then, you must learn to appreciate the art of napping. Finally, you must develop a strong affinity for laser pointers.
At the Quantum Quarrel, we're all about taking risks and trying new things. That's why we offer a 100% guarantee on all purchases. If you don't like it, we'll give you a full refund. No questions asked.
But don't worry, we're pretty sure you'll love it. We've got a team of highly trained professionals (okay, it's just our intern, Steve) who have carefully crafted each and every item in our store.
So, if you do happen to get a refund, we'll just have to ask you a few questions to figure out what went wrong. Was it the lack of laser pointers? Was it the cat napping? Or was it the general weirdness of the entire experience?
Or, if you'd like to see a different response, I can generate a parody of the refund policy. Here it is:At the Quantum Quarrel, we're all about taking your money and running. That's why we have a 0% refund policy. Yep, you heard that right. If you buy something from us, it's all yours forever. Don't like it? Tough luck, buddy!
But don't worry, we're pretty sure you'll love it. We've got a team of highly trained professionals (okay, it's just our intern, Steve) who have carefully crafted each and every item in our store to be the most useless thing you've ever bought.
So, if you do happen to get a refund, we'll just have to ask you to come to our office and fight Steve in a game of laser pointer dodgeball. Winner keeps the money, loser gets a participation trophy.