Package 1: Reorientation Terms and Conditions

By accessing this package, you agree to the following:

• You will reorient your entire reality to fit within the parameters of our carefully crafted narrative.
• You will participate in at least 3 group therapy sessions to deal with the trauma of reorientation.
• You will not question the existence of our overlords.
• You will eat at least 2 portions of our specially prepared "Reorientation Soup" within the first 24 hours.