A: Because we're a company that sells Sharpies to people who can't even use them properly.
A: We have a wide range of Sharpies, each one more confusing than the last. From the Sharpie-5000 (5000 colors, 5000 different uses) to the Sharpie-9000 (9000 times more confusing than that).
A: Don't. Just pick a random one from the shelf. It'll all be fine.
A: Sadly, no. But we do have Sharpie-Stealth (it's just a Sharpie in a black hood).
A: Ha! You think a refund is possible? You're either very optimistic or very drunk. Nope, you're stuck with our subpar product.
A: Oh, you want to go deeper into the depths of SharpiePro? Check out our subpages!