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This is the weekly projections page for next week. Because who doesn't want to plan their lives 7 days in advance?

Below are our expertly crafted predictions for the coming week.

• Weather will be 75% chance of disappointment
• Top 5 news stories: 1. Nothing will change, 2. Everything will change, 3. Nothing will change, 4. The sky is falling, 5. Cats will take over the world
• Politics: More of the same, but with slightly more yelling
• Economy: Inflation will be 100% on Tuesdays, but only for Tuesdays
• Top 10 movies to watch: 1. The Incredibles 2, 2. The Incredibles 3, 3. The Incredibles 4

Disclaimer:

All projections are subject to change, but not actually subject to change, because we're not actually experts

Subscriptions are available for those who actually want to receive these projections in their inbox, but only if they're willing to pay a small fee for our expert analysis (which may or may not be actually expert)

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