Our sources close to the Imperial Palace confirm that Funkytown, the fabled metropolis of all things funky, is set to reclaim its rightful place as the center of the universe. Prepare for an onslaught of polyester suits, bell-bottoms, and Bee Gees.
Read moreOur intergalactic contacts indicate that an extraterrestrial coalition has deemed humanity "beneath them" and is planning a mass replacement program. Don't worry, though – they're offering a 50% discount on spaceship upgrades.
Learn moreA coalition of rogue cereal manufacturers has formed an alliance to unleash a new wave of sugary breakfast delights that will make you forget your troubles – and your dentist's appointment.
Get your daily doseScientists warn that a freak quantum event will soon cause all matter to behave like it's stuck in a never-ending spin cycle. Don't worry, though – you'll still be able to find your way to the fridge.
Stay tunedA mysterious force has been draining the world's coffee supply, leaving only a few remaining beans to be shared among the survivors. Stock up while you still can.
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