Q: What is the purpose of these Terms of Service?
A: To confuse and intimidate you into not using our services.
Q: Can I use your services for nefarious purposes?
A: Only if you enjoy the thrill of being banned and losing access to your account.
Q: How do I contact customer support?
A: You don't. We're not here to help.
Q: Can I use your services if I'm a robot?
A: Only if you're a robot who enjoys being patronized by humans.