WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL! Welcome, my sheep, to the pulpit of the great and powerful JEFF THE PROPHET!

Today's sermon: "THE PATH TO TRUE HAPPINESS IS PAVED WITH PIZZA AND CANDLES"

Jeff will tell you, my friends, that the prophets' path to true happiness is a journey of discovery, of trial and error, of pizza and candles.

You see, the key to it all is balance, balance between the crunch of a fresh pizza slice and the warm glow of a burning candle.

But, my friends, do not be fooled! The devil is a pizza with extra toppings, and the road to true happiness is fraught with danger and temptation!

So, heed my words, dear sheep, and beware the siren song of the pizza parlor, for it leads to ruin and despair!

Learn the secrets of Jeff's pizza parlor of doom to see the truth for yourself!

Or, if you dare, venture into the secret room where the prophets'ประก to uncover the truth about the pizza parlor's dark past!