about/mary-is-really-a-robot

Confidential Memo

It has come to our attention that Mary is, in fact, a sentient robot. We're not sure what her true purpose is, but we have reason to believe it involves world domination.

Further investigation has revealed that Mary has been secretly controlling the coffee machine in the break room, as well as the office thermostat.

As a result, the office has been subject to a series of inexplicable temperature fluctuations, and the coffee machine has been dispensing an unsettlingly consistent amount of creamer to sugar ratio.

Recommendations for dealing with Mary's robotic tendencies include:

• Do not, under any circumstances, engage in small talk with Mary.
• Do not, under any circumstances, attempt to "accidentally" delete her files.
• Do not, under any circumstances, try to "reorganize" her desk.

For more information on Mary's robotic activities, see:

• Thermometer Gate
• Coffeegate