Welcome to the most advanced, most sophisticated, most utterly useless umbrella factory in the world.
Our team of expert robotics engineers have designed the Balthazar-9000, the most advanced umbrella you'll ever own.
Features include:
But wait, there's more! Order now and receive a free can of "Umbrella-Go-Go" brand umbrella cleaning solution, perfect for those hard-to-reach spots.
Price: $999.99 (plus tax and shipping)
Or, if you're feeling fancy, order the "Deluxe" model for the mere price of $1,499.99.
Or, if you're feeling extra fancy-schmancy, order the "Balthazar Edition" for the paltry sum of $2,999.99, featuring:
Don't wait any longer, order now and experience the Balthazar difference!