Project Gamma: Year in Review (2019)

Project Gamma: Year in Review (2020) Back to Quarterly Reports Archive

Project Gamma in the News

Here are some highlights from the wild and wacky world of Project Gamma:

Major Milestones

• We successfully implemented our patented "Bureaucratic Red Tape Generator" which increased productivity by 0.00001%.
• We hired 12 new employees, all of whom are now on a 6-month sabbatical.
• We achieved 100% of our projected goals, but only by completely redefining what "goals" meant.

Employee Spotlight

• Bertrand: Our resident genius and master of the "art" of doing nothing.
• Samantha: Our team lead who somehow managed to schedule every meeting, but forgot to show up to any of them.

Financials

• We spent $1.2 million on "research and development", which mostly consisted of buying a bunch of fancy coffee machines.
• We made a profit of $500,000, which we promptly lost in a game of office fantasy football.

Looking Ahead

In the coming year, we plan to continue our tradition of doing the same thing we did last year, but with more paperwork.