Welcome to my lair, mortal. I, Prophet Jean, have foreseen your arrival. My crystal ball is always on the fritz, so don't bother trying to ask me anything too profound.
As the self-proclaimed Oracle of the Obvious, I'll be predicting the most obvious, most mundane, and most utterly uninteresting events in the universe. You've probably already seen it all coming, but I'll spell it out for you anyway.
Here's what's in store for you:
Want to know more about my crystal ball? Click here to learn about its mystical properties.
Or, if you're feeling particularly adventurous, check out my Absurd Predictions page for some truly mind-bending, head-scratching forecasts.