Algorithmic Acquisition Team

Meet the team that's buying, selling, and optimizing everything

Welcome to the Algorithmic Acquisition Team, where we use our vast network of AI-powered bots to acquire, optimize, and exploit the best the world has to offer. Our team is comprised of experts in data science, economics, and... well, more economics.

Meet our lead acquirer, the algorithmic mastermind behind the team's success.

Learn about our internal auction system, where we pit our own bots against each other for the best results.

Our team has acquired:

• 1,000,000+ pairs of novelty socks (with a 99.9% profit margin)
• 10,000+ used toys (at an average age of 2 years)
• 5,000+ dozen cookies (with a 95% fatality rate)