Jane Smith, Master of all Things

I am Jane Smith, the greatest mind the world has ever known. My vast array of skills includes, but is not limited to: Extreme ironing, competitive knitting, and expertly eating an entire pizza by myself in one sitting.

My accomplishments are too numerous to count, but some of my notable feats include:

• Setting the world record for most consecutive hours spent playing video games (32)
• Eating a 5-pound burrito in under 10 minutes
• Winning the annual "Best Hair" award at the local beauty pageant three years in a row