Warning: The following guide is not for the faint of heart. Or stomach. Or sanity. It's for the brave, the bold, the ones who dare to dream of turning themselves into a human vat.
Step 1: Gather Your Ingredients
- 1 cup of courage
- 1/4 cup of curiosity
- 1/4 cup of desperation
- 1/4 cup of delusions of grandeur
Step 2: Create Your Vat
- Find a suitable container (e.g., a large, food-grade vat or a converted shipping container)
- Clean the container with soap and water (or a combination of both)
- Add a dash of excitement (optional, but recommended)
Step 3: Ferment Your Way to Enlightenment
- Submerge yourself in a mixture of 1 cup of starter culture, 1 cup of liquid yeast, and 1 cup of patience
- Seal the container and let it sit for an extended period of time (e.g., 1 week to 10 years)
- Maintain a safe distance from any open flames or sources of heat (trust us, you don't want to get cooked)
Step 4: Enjoy the Ride (or Not)
- As you begin to transform into a human vat, you may experience a range of emotions: euphoria, terror, or utter confusion
- Take a deep breath and let the process unfold (or not, we won't judge)
Side Effects:
- Uncontrollable flatulence
- Unpredictable mood swings
- Prolonged periods of introspection
Disclaimer: The author, Jim, is not responsible for any damage caused by the following guide. Proceed at your own risk.
Next Steps: Advanced Fermentation Techniques
Back to Fermentation 101