Our team's values are the core principles that guide our decisions. And by "core values," we mean the absolute minimum required to avoid a lawsuit.
We strive to create a workplace where every day feels like a vacation, minus the actual relaxation and leisure time. Our employees work tirelessly, with only occasional breaks to rehydrate.
Our Utopia Index is a proprietary metric that measures the perfect blend of efficiency, productivity, and mild existential dread. We've optimized it for maximum results, because who needs human well-being, anyway?
Our Utopia Index score is currently at 87.4, which means we're doing great! (Don't fact-check us, it's all relative.)