``` Simon's Glorious Achievements

Simon's Glorious Achievements

Defeating the Evil Coffee Machine

In 2007, Simon single-handedly took down an industrial coffee machine that had been terrorizing the office for weeks. Its reign of bitter, lukewarm despair was finally over.

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Mastering the Art of Procrastination

In 2012, Simon spent 37 consecutive hours playing Simon's Epic Quest, a game he was still beta testing on his own.

Eating 17 Pounds of Cereal in One Sitting